Please Stand By (Insert Hold Music Here)… -

9 Comments
Emz says:

Wow- tough decision! I can’t believe he messed you around so much. Didn’t he understand what he was getting into when he agreed in the first place. I hope you have better luck with your next choice.

lesbemums says:

It was indeed! But if we kept him we could have had several more failed attempts which is valuable time and in the long run, wasted time. Better to nip in the bud and stat a fresh, I guess.

I have no idea what he was thinking, I’d still like to know but he never replied! LOL.

Thanks – wish us luck.
x

DeCaf says:

It sounds like the right decision. Being a donor entails a bit more than just making a deposit into a disposable cup, it involves doing so on a schedule you don’t control. It sounds like he wasn’t up for that much commitment.

Wow that sounds rough–and definitely the right decision to let him go! I’m curious–how did you end up choosing an actual live Donor instead of going through a clinic & anonymously donated sperm?

My partner and I weighed several options and had asked one of our friends to donate, but in the end it was too big of a commitment for him (and he was scared it would adversely affect our friendship). I haven’t regretted using donor sperm through our clinic because…it really truly feels like it’s just US and our project and not having to involve a third person is really nice. I know it works great for some couples, but for us this was the best route.

I hope you get to get back on the saddle soon and have the success you deserve!

lesbemums says:

Hi. Thanks.

We chose our donor via prideangel.com. It’s a website where you can find donors (the checks, etc. are up to you).

We know what you mean about known donors. We have a few friends that we would ask but at the same time, we don’t want a co-parent. It’s just US.

Best of luck also!! X

Additionally, a service like that would be ridiculously illegal here–plus the law and the danger of the guy deciding he wants to declare fatherhood… too much of a risk, legally.

I really understand wanting to know MORE about your donor than just race, height, and color of eyes and hair. It seems like a lot of work to use a live donor–and especially if you end up the situation you’re in now. I’m so sorry!

I really hope your next donor works out for you!

I’ll keep reading (and commenting!)–Wishing for the absolute best for you!

lesbemums says:

Ah. I see. Now, because the Mrs and I are civil partners and we’re doing AI and not NI – the donor has very little say over anything. Plus, we can write an agreement to say so.

I think there are certainly good bits and negative bits to both scenarios. I think you just have to weigh it out.

The trouble with the UK is that any fertility treatment you want/need isn’t free if you’re gay, which is annoying. So, I’m certainly envious of places like AUS where it is much easier to get assistance.

Thanks for your comments, it’s nice to chat with fellow ladies in the same boat.

ivfs42 says:

Good job, way too stressful with all his carry on. I did unknown sperm donation and the best thing ever, my daughter totally mine. One of my friends advertised for a known donor, went through a clinic and he signed off not being the father and after baby born claimed fathership. He now has access and sleep over with child. Has cost thousand upon thousands in and out of family court. Good luck with your search for a new better donor. 🙂

We had a donor previously that dropped out at the last minute. Literally sent a text at 1.30am before he was due to visit us the following evening. We’ve only just found another donor 3 years later. It’s a tough process but it has to be right for everyone. Good luck.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.