There’s no easy way to start talking about this, nor is there a snazzy or funny title suitable, so I guess I’ll just start. We’re getting ready to put T into nursery. There. I said it.
As a mini foreword, I know I’ve been incredibly lucky to have this amount of time off as maternity leave, however no amount of time, however long, will be long enough. I don’t want to do this.
It’s not until April next year that he’ll be starting nursery, as that’s when I have to return to work, but it’s good practise to get viewings done and places booked early. Getting it done early will iron out any creases such as his/my schedule, as well as allowing for taster days where T can get introduced to the place slowly.
I feel incredibly sad at the thought of returning to work – in fact it makes me feel sick. It’s then not made any easier when I think that I’m not going to be leaving T with someone he knows when I go off to work. I have this horrible image of dropping him off and him sobbing his eyes out until I return.
I’m sure this won’t be the case and my general thought of it will become easier once T is moving and eating regularly, but my natural instinct at the moment is telling me he is too vulnerable to be left, but then I see others doing it all the time and with babies much MUCH younger so I tell myself I’m being a wuss. It’s so hard.
Every day I’m urging the universe for a lottery win so I don’t have to to back to work, so I can become a stay at home mum, but it’s not working. Wanting to be a SAHM isn’t the “easier” option – far from it. It’s a day AND night job in itself, which is why I’ve heard plenty of mums chomping at bits ready to return to work, but for me, it would be ideal.
In my eyes, if I was able to stay at home, I wouldn’t miss the milestones, the new foods, my baby growing up. I’d see it all. But, unfortunately, I don’t have a choice.
Over the next few weeks I’m planning on viewing several nurseries, however I hope to find “the one” sooner than that. I’m hoping to get that “feeling” that I’ve heard so much about early on so I can get T’s place booked and have one less stress about returning to work on my shoulders.
Exactly how we go about looking for our perfect nursery is for another post!