Living With a Nightmare - An Open Letter to my Wife.  -

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Lindsay says:

Like you, I very much struggle with accepting help and allowing others to do for me while I do “nothing” (or heal or relax or any number of things). It’s a real problem for me, one I am constantly trying to work on.

You’re doing SO much in caring for T, by the way. You’re not lazing about, (and even if you were, you earned it!).

lesbemums says:

Thanks lovely. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone. I expected so much more from myself so struggled/am struggling when I can’t achieve it. I am getting there though and just remind myself what I’ve been through. Thanks again. X

This has made me well up a bit too! You are not doing nothing – you are NOT doing nothing!

lesbemums says:

That’s what my wife keeps saying. lol. X

Whoa lady!! Breathe…! It’s so so so overwhelming at first, you have to give yourself a lot of credit. You’re taking on something completely new and often difficult and always exhausting, AND you’re fortunate enough to be embarking on it with a pretty darn amazing partner, from the sounds of it! When DD was born, I felt very similar to you. I was always the cook, but I was barely getting myself enough to eat when DW was at work, let alone preparing meals. She and I found our balance and you’ll find yours. No doubt about it. Enjoy the time you’re allowed to be unshowered unshaven and totally falling apart! You’re among good company. Hang in there and, once again, congrats!!!

lesbemums says:

Thanks Hun – I’m slowly getting there, it’s just such a sudden change.

All the hormones still running through my system probably aren’t helping either. Lol.

I am very lucky indeed – all the more reason to chill out. Things will get done eventually, just not at the pace in used to. Xx

I bet you is 90% hormones and 10% sleep deprivation! You’ll get there. Xx

Even though I didn’t give birth to the twins, I feel everything you are saying! I’m the one with OCD, and now with babies and constant feedings and cuddling them when they are crying, I feel like I’m loosing a bit of control, so I try to over compensate and realize that I’m making myself even crazier because then things REALLY a arent getting done…but just last week I surrendered to the fact that, well, it’s gonna be like this for a while. You’re doing AMAZING work, raising a “little” and all…as the other mom, we truly don’t mind doing a little extra around the house…you had our babies for crying out loud!!! With as awesome a wife as you have, im pretty sure movie night and a three way cuddle beats doing the dishes any day!

lesbemums says:

Must. Not. Cry. Must. Not. Cry.

Thanks Hun. Xxx

Shannon says:

This made me cry! I am the non-birth mom to twins being born tomorrow and already am stressing about how things will not get done as usual. I like you need to learn to be gentle with myself. It is not an easy task for those of us who expect so much of ourselves. Many hugs to you as you find a way to make this all work 🙂

lesbemums says:

Oh bless, I didn’t want to make people cry. lol.

I’m now realising that I was definitely being hard on myself as there’s no way a baby can fit into your previous life, you have to adapt around your baby or you’ll just go bang. They have to take priority whether you like it or not, y’know?

It’s certainly not going to be easy or happen overnight but I will adapt.
Xx

Everybody else is being nicey-nicey to you. I think it’s time for a little Come to Jesus, as we say out West:

1. You have just done the most amazing thing in the world. You have given life. Absorb it. Revel in it. Love it.

2. You have only one job right now: T. Without in any way intending to be normative or essentialist, nature has conspired to concentrate your mind and body (and hormones) on T and T alone. Listen to it. Obey it. Do not fight it. That way madness lies.

3. Out in the mountains, we know not to get between a momma bear and her cub. People think grizzlies are nasty (they are), but a momma brown bear will tear you to shreds in an instant. That’s you, momma.

Fortunately, you are not living in nature, red of tooth and claw. You’re not in this alone. You have your wife. You have your doctors and nurses and friends. Let them carry all your other burdens.

When my sister’s first was a week old, she invited us all over for lunch. (Mom thought it was a bad idea, but we came anyway.) About ten minutes in, my brother’s wife sneezed. My sister melted down and threw us all out of the house. Told us never to come back. Used a lot of bad words.

None of us believed her, of course. We went down to the local honky-tonk and toasted her and the baby with a few beers. And came back, in ones and twos, every day over the next six months.

4. Post partum depression. It’s a thing. Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be OK. Really.

5. Your wife knows all this. She apparently knows this better than you do. Listen to her.

6. Everybody else knows all this, too. They will cut you a lot of slack. They will forgive you. You will all laugh about it, someday soon.

7. I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you ain’t Superwoman. Superwoman is a comic book.

Brilliantly put. I love number 5! Oh so VERY true.

Just let me know if she needs reminding.

PS: You are amazing!

lesbemums says:

I have no words (which is a rare thing for me). Nail on the head.

I love you.

Oh, my.

I am glad to be of service. Just remind me of all that when I have my first, OK? I am liable to be a complete whackjob.

My Love isn’t the jealous type, but let’s just keep that last part between the two of us.

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