The Week That Just Wasn’t Ours.
So Aunt Flo has come and gone following our last try. As expected, after a delayed ovulation, AF came right on time two weeks after actual ovulation. I’m always intrigued by how the body just ‘knows’ what to do at the right time. I wish it could tell us when it’s good and ready to get pregnant, but obviously the ‘too difficult’ light comes on for that one.
Although it was bit of a shocker at the time; seeing as we pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to timings, it shouldn’t really shock us by now seeing as we’re so used to getting BFN’s now… but it did. As BBT monitor, I saw it first, and then K saw it in my face. I had seen the massive temperature drop one morning and knew straight away it hadn’t worked this cycle. I didn’t want to tell her, but I guess after 7 years she can read my face pretty well.
Regardless of how many BFN’s we’ve had now, this one really hit K for six and pretty much ruined her for a few days. So I apologise for not updating, but she couldn’t face breaking yet another BFN.
K felt, and still does feel, like a fool when she writes so positively on here; especially after then having to break the BFNews, but what else can she do when you think that you’ve got everything timed perfectly? As far as K’s concerned, her body is “working”, and all the other signs for good fertility are there smiling right back at us – so there shouldn’t be any issues right? And at the same time, she doesn’t want to be a negative Nancy. Yes, she’s scared of it not working – again – but she certainly doesn’t want to keep thinking it. She wants to remain positive, but it’s so hard to when you expect the same thing all over again.
I’m still not sure when to say ‘enough is enough’, but at the moment I’m not ready, and K’s certainly not ready to give up no matter how much every BFN hurts. She regularly worries whether something is wrong and to be honest, I just don’t know what to think. A lot of people advise us that it does take some time to fall pregnant and it is very much a waiting game, but how long do we wait before becoming concerned?
So as I write, K is soon to be coming to the end of her first week of the TWW. (Sunday) We got a donation in just before ovulation which was lucky as K ovulated earlier than expected again. Despite having a delayed ovulation last cycle, which meant that everything would have moved backward by about a week, she still managed to ovulate bang on the same time as usual which means she was a few days early if you were to count it from AF which, of course, was delayed because of the delayed ovulation.
Apart from recording her BBT and OPK tests, we’ve decided not to record anything else such as any “symptoms” (not that they really exist at this stage), but at the same time; to find out whether one cycle is different from the other, we try to record any changes so that we can compare other cycles. Last month, for example, we were full of them, K was feeling genuine cramps as well achey boobs towards the end of the TWW (which is something she doesn’t suffer from before AF), but we now feel they were just her mind playing cruel games. So seeing as the ones we recorded mean jack anyway, we’ve decided to just wait for AF this cycle.
Hopefully, this BFN won’t hurt as much this cycle.
Bless your hearts, I know that ache and disappointment SO well. Each month I TTC, I was more convinced than the last that it had worked. I kept meticulous records of every ‘symptom’, right down to the hour. It made me nuts, but it also made me feel like I was doing something at a time when pretty much everything else was out of my control.
I’m over here rooting for you, sending you positive vibes for your next cycle.
Oh man, I am so rooting for you guys. The BFNs are the worst–especially after you force yourself to think positive thoughts for two weeks straight. It’s a total crash & burn. Fingers crossed that this is the one!!!
Its impossible not to hope and believe it will work – if we didn’t have it, we wouldn’t be trying. But its also impossible not to feel burned by our own optimism. I’m so sorry that you all are struggling, and I hope you know that all of us in the blogoverse are loving you up whether you are optimistic and hopeful or down in the dumps. You get to feel whatever you feel. And, I hope very soon what you feel is joy that an attempt worked. <3
Awwww shucks. Thanks, sweetheart. That’s really made me feel nice.
Not that I didn’t expect it, but this process is so so hard. I cannot remain positive without the inevitable crash, but if I worry too much, or symptom watch, it may have a detrimental effect on the whole! I cannot win.
The mock symptoms are the worst. One particularly devastating cycle we were convinced I was pregnant because I had sore breasts and that had never happened before. TTC was one of the most emotional and draining times of my life, you are really face to face with your raw emotions and fears.