Mind Games

There’s lots of things on my mind lately… Some good things and some bad things.

The good thing (and the most important one) is that we’ve found a donor. The bad thing (and probably something I really should’t be concerned about) is my health. I’ve always been worried about my general health and now even more so now I’m preparing an metaphorical oven.

Now, I’m not the healthiest of person and I rarely properly exercise, that said, I do walk our dog a lot and my job gets me out walking a lot – however I’ve never really been able to get below a size 18-22 despite all that I do and the fact that I have cut back on bad things. However now because I’m preparing my body for the most challenging journey of it’s life I’m a little concerned – not only for how hard it may be with the extra weight but more so about the up and coming lecture I’m bound to get from health professionals.

I understand that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to change this and at the end of the day it is down to me – but it’s so frustrating when I do genuinely try to lose weight and it really doesn’t shift. How will this effect my pregnancy? How will this effect my baby? All these questions and so much more have been swimming around my mind for a good few weeks now.

On top of this, I have recently felt a dull pain on my right hip close to where my ovaries sit which I thought was a bit odd as I only recently finished my period (TMI – sorry) and pains like this (as far as I can remember) don’t happen so close to a period finishing. So, stupidly, I googled the symptoms (NEVER DO THIS!) and as predicted the worst comes up – ovarian cysts, chlamydia, cancer. You name it, someone has had it and have had the exact same symptoms as you. So on top of everything else, I’m worrying about this – although there’s no reason to be worried – but again because I’m the one taking the role as oven it all comes down to me.

On additional note, my ovulating tests are STILL coming out as negative. Following recent messages between other mum’s they advised me to change the times – which I did – and still nothing. That said, it is still early within the month and my cycle (TMI – sorry, again) so I guess I’ll keep at it and see what happens.

On a more positive note we’ve found a donor through PrideAngel, but we’ll leave that for another day… Just incase.


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