Hunger With a Side of Insecurity

As mentioned recently, I’ve had a bounty of questions come my way during pregnancy, the worst ones coming from women I rarely know – women who probably only found my name out a few weeks ago. During said week of stupid questions, I got this whopper:-

Her: “So how much weight have you gained?”

Inner monologue me: HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE I GAINED?! Seriously? 

That’s right.

To be honest, I expected this question a lot sooner, so 22w3d isn’t bad. I’d also like to think that any weight I have gained isn’t noticeable (apart from the bump) which is why they’ve asked, but for all they know I could have one hell of a bump band on that nicely conceals everything.

S will tell you that since about 12w, I’ve been quite self-conscious about my weight. I would ask her whether I looked pregnant yet and whether I had this “bit” before. See, I lost 3-4 stone last year and I aimed to keep it off until I fell pregnant at least, and even then I wouldn’t be gorging under the pre-tense of “well I’m going to get fat anyway”. I aimed to eat normally albeit make some small changes for the sake of beansprout. However, an unexpected hunger where I want to rip my arm off and eat it, that attacks every few hours, has meant that I eat a lot more than I would have done previously. It’s very frustrating as whatever I eat sometimes is not enough and I have to raid the kitchen for more!

Early on, I started with dried fruit and nuts, fresh fruit, or popcorn as snacks between meals but they now don’t cut it – I’m hungry an hour or so later despite drinking a regular intake of water on top of eating. So, I’ve now moved onto snack pieces of cheese, rice crackers, and cereal bars (Nak’d bars are one of my faves but can be quite expensive) as snacks in addition to the current snackage – which is helping in comparison to before, but I now can’t avoid and think how much of a difference they it’s making to my general waistline, especially as I can’t do anything about it.

Without boring you with detail, I eat quite healthy meals – not too big, not too small – but I know I now have to eat a little extra to compensate for beansprout as they’re taking everything from me first. With this, I eat a lot more bread than before (although it is still wholegrain) as it holds me a lot longer, as well as a lot more dairy (which has been changed from skimmed to semi-skimmed). I’ve moved back to white pasta and rice from brown, as the taste of brown is now disgusting to me, and I’m eating lean red meat more regularly than before. On top of this, I’m not as active anymore as I get out of breath, become tired, or my sciatic pain kicks in, so with all this it’s expected that I will put on a bit of weight but I can’t help but worry at the same time.

It’s getting me down, I’m not going to lie – and I really don’t want this to come off as a moan as I have wanted this more than anything in the world. I really do enjoy being pregnant and in comparison to other people I’ve spoken to, I’m having quite a nice pregnancy apparently, but there are some things I didn’t count on during pregnancy – and this hunger with insecurity on the side is one of them. I don’t want it to be there – I want to have fun and go “what the hell” but at the same time, I worked hard to lose the weight, I don’t want to put it all back on.

I’m sure this is a normal feeling, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I doubt there is anything that can be said or done to help – I just need to deal with it and reassure myself that what I’m doing is fine as long as I’m gaining weight at a steady rate (I really do need to get on those scales) but I can’t help but feel insecure about the changes in my body. Beansprout won’t give a monkey’s what I look like, and S sure as hell doesn’t – so why should I?

K

0 thoughts on “Hunger With a Side of Insecurity

  1. Lindsay says:

    I got that question from the SAME woman at work every 2-3 weeks, I shit you not. I was SO irritated with her by the end of my pregnancy I wanted scream!!

  2. DeCaf says:

    Is there a polite way to say “I don’t discuss my weight except with my health care provider” to those noisy people? It’s really shocking what people expect you to be okay with being asked.

    • lesbemums says:

      I am tempted but i dont want to seem over sensitive. It really is shocking. I need to know exactly when it became okay to ask these things.

  3. AndiePants says:

    I hate that this is a thing . . .but I also feel it. So far no one has asked me about my weight, but I’m conscious of it anyway. I think DeCaf’s suggestion is spot on – given my current state of pregnancy rage, I’d probably smack someone first though!

    • lesbemums says:

      Ha!Ha! Thats just it. I worry already how “hormonal” im being (we dont use the h word in our house) so if i say something snappy i might get an “ooooooooo get you” so i try and get on.
      I cant get angry these days without being accused of being hormonal (even though i probably am. Lol)

      I think the next person who says this i might say exactly that and then go into exactly why they need to know!

  4. pepibebe says:

    I’ve found that eating protein at all meals and as snacks is essential so I don’t gnaw on my arms. Bit tricky as a pescetarian (fish eating but otherwise vegetarian). So I’m eating a piece of cheese as corn crackers, Greek yoghurt, a boiled egg, roasted chick peas (garbanzos) etc as snacks. Every two hours otherwise I get awful grumpy & start retching too.

    • lesbemums says:

      Eggs!!!! I forgot about those. I stopped buying them because i went off them but now i should be ok. Thanks!

      I was going to pop you an email to see how everything is. Hope you guys are ok. Xx

  5. pepibebe says:

    PS – I’m also feeling conscious about the weight thing as I’m trying to hide my pregnancy till 12 weeks. We live in a small community and it’s summer so this is getting tricky! I’ve always had a small roundish tummy, and each time when I get pregnant my breasts shoot up a number of bra sizes by 5wks and I immediately bloat something crazy. So I have these much larger boobs and a very pronounced pot belly getting larger by the day, that I’m trying to keep under wraps.

    • lesbemums says:

      Damn! Thats tough. I was lucky and found out in July and didnt start to show until 12-15 weeks so not too bad. Plus, i was also able to wear hoodies because our summer was a bit pants this year so that hid any lumps and bumps.

      Its hard not to be conscious about eveything, but at the same time im so proud that im carrying a baby. I guess i just want to make sure i look pregnant and not just fat – especially as i dont always wear typical womens fitted clothing.

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