The other day, I was eating a cheese sandwich when the toddler came over and took a bite from the end – the other end was in my hand heading towards my mouth. Sitting there is disbelief at his confidence and boundary crossing I carried on with lunch, after all; I was sat on the floor so anything below the sofa is fair game for toddlers right?
The day before that, his first words on the monitor that morning were “MUMMY! POO!”. The week before that, Oscar got a finger in the eye. I’ve also had several occasions in public where T has reminded me that his bowels are on the move or the apple he’s eating is no good for him and is therefore a good projectile or that the woman sat next to him on the bus is “bleugh”. I don’t know about you, but if I did half the things that T does these days I’d either be arrested, sectioned or thumped. How can they get away with it?
It’s bad enough trying to contain or entertain a toddler, but add members of the public to the mix or people you still want to be friends with and you’ve got embarrassment waiting to happen. Most of the time it’s cute or you can laugh it off, but when your toddler runs after random men shouting “Daddy” (true story) it’s hard to know which way to look!
I’m Not Alone
Thanks to Mark Zukerbuerg I’ve realised I’m not alone in this. There are TONS of toddlers out there wreaking havoc with their parents’ comfort zones and boundary lines.
From their toilet outbursts…
Tell an entire room when they’ve had a poo. Www.justaveragejen.com
Announcing to everyone that they need “a wee-wee”, no matter where or when. http://battlemum.com
Ask everyone to come and have a look at their poo, tell a stranger about how Mammy doesn’t wee out of a tail, wipe bogies on Mammys coat or tell the bin men that you love them rockandrollpussycat.co.uk
Accompany their parents to the loo and watch them as they go……it’s terribly off putting. Www.thehappyweaner.com
Asking where a tampon went… http://www.diaryofanunexpectantmother.com
From general nakedness…
Strip naked at every public opportunity! www.packthepjs.com
For my girl it was pulling her skirt up in public! Plus honesty when inappropriate, she once told my neighbour her house smelt bad www.thebestversionofkelly.com
Eat breakfast/lunch/dinner naked. What is it with toddlers loving being ‘free’?! 😂 lambandbear.co.uk
To boundary lines being crossed!
Stand inches away from someone’s face staring while they are trying to eat www.mummyandthechunks.com
Eden has got into the habit of pointing out noses randomly. Usually on other kids. She wanders over to them and greets them by posting at their nose and shouting “NOSE!” Www.weforgotthesperm.com
Sit there trying to eat the dogs toys www.beautiesandthebibs.co.uk
Whack people on the arse and run away! Https://Emmareed.net
Lifting up a top to point out their belly button to strangers www.thriftymum.com
Poke people’s bottoms and say “that’s your bum crack!” Www.arthurwears.com
Needing to ‘cheers’ anyone quite forcefully whenever they have a drink at the same time as you! Www.friendlyfirstfoods.co.uk
We bumped in to an acquaintance when we had our daughter. Their son, 2, kept reminding me, over and over, that I have a vagina. Also, he had a penis. As he kept telling me. Pretty sure that would just be strange as an adult. https://katykicker.com
Crying over the wrong shape sandwiches or cup colour http://www.theygrowsoquick.com
Being outside doesn’t even stop them!
Spontaneously fall asleep whilst eating, shopping, in public…www.thatbritishbetty.com
Look expectantly at people after walking across the room, waiting for praise and applause. www.theishmother.co.uk
When I brought my son a new pair of shoes, he clomped around town shouting ‘new shoes! new shoes!!’ I’m certain I would get a few looks if I did that Www.toaufinityandbeyond.com
Give a running commentary on a stranger getting undressed in the swimming pool changing room Plutoniumsox.com
Doing to the supermarket dressed at Batman ! TheUnNaturalmother.co.uk
How about ‘go to the shops dressed as a unicorn’ or ‘answer the door with no top on’ www.whingewhingewine.co.uk.
It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone, but it still doesn’t stop toddlers being able to get away with the most inappropriate behaviour!