The other day, I was eating a cheese sandwich when the toddler came over and took a bite from the end – the other end was in my hand heading towards my mouth. Sitting there in disbelief at his confidence and boundary crossing, I carried on with lunch. After all, I was sat on the floor, so anything below the sofa is fair game for toddlers right?
The day before that, his first words on the monitor that morning were “MUMMY! POO!” The week before that, Oscar got a finger in the eye. I’ve also had several occasions in public where T has reminded me that his bowels are on the move or the apple he’s eating is no good for him and is therefore a good projectile or that the woman sat next to him on the bus is “Bleugh!” I don’t know about you, but if I did half the things that T does these days I’d be arrested, sectioned or thumped. How can they get away with it?
It’s bad enough trying to contain or entertain a toddler, but add members of the public to the mix or people you still want to be friends with and you’ve got embarrassment waiting to happen. Most of the time it’s cute or you can laugh it off, but when your toddler runs after random men shouting ‘Daddy’ (true story) it’s hard to know which way to look!
EMBED: https://www.instagram.com/p/BR1QnENFGTl/
I’m not alone
Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, I’ve realised I’m not alone in this. There are TONS of toddlers out there wreaking havoc with their parents’ comfort zones and boundary lines.
From their toilet outbursts…
Telling an entire room when they’ve had a poo…
Announcing to everyone that they need a “wee-wee”, no matter where or when!
Asking everyone to come and have a look at their poo, telling a stranger about how Mammy doesn’t wee out of a tail, wiping bogies on Mammy’s coat, or telling the bin men that you love them.
To yours!
Accompanying their parents to the loo and watching them as they go…… it’s terribly off putting!
Asking where a tampon went…
From general nakedness…
Stripping naked at every public opportunity!
For my girl it was pulling her skirt up in public! Plus honesty, when inappropriate – she once told my neighbour her house smelt bad!
Eating breakfast/lunch/dinner naked. What is it with toddlers loving being ‘free’?! 😂
To boundary lines being crossed!
Standing inches away from someone’s face staring while they are trying to eat…
Eden has got into the habit of pointing out noses randomly. Usually on other kids. She wanders over to them and greets them by posting at their nose and shouting “NOSE!”
Sitting there trying to eat the dogs toys…
EMBED: https://www.instagram.com/p/BSddDcklu-7/
Whacking people on the arse and running away!
Lifting up a top to point out their belly button to strangers…
Poking people’s bottoms and saying “That’s your bum crack!”
Needing to ‘cheers’ anyone quite forcefully whenever they have a drink at the same time as you!
We bumped in to an acquaintance when we had our daughter. Their son, 2, kept reminding me, over and over, that I have a vagina. Also, he had a penis. As he kept telling me. Pretty sure that would just be strange as an adult.
Crying over the wrong shape sandwiches or cup colour…
Being outside doesn’t even stop them!
Spontaneously fall asleep whilst eating, shopping, in public…
Look expectantly at people after walking across the room, waiting for praise and applause.
When I bought my son a new pair of shoes, he clomped around town shouting ‘new shoes! new shoes!!’ – I’m certain I would get a few looks if I did that!
Give a running commentary on a stranger getting undressed in the swimming pool changing room!
Doing to the supermarket dressed at Batman!
How about ‘going to the shops dressed as a unicorn’, or ‘answering the door with no top on!’
It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone, but it still doesn’t stop toddlers being able to get away with the most inappropriate behaviour!
What things do your toddlers do that you can’t get away with?
8 comments
Haha, this post made me laugh out loud! I’ve got it all to come, haven’t I?
Lyndsay x
You have, but it’s so much fun. Honest. X
Haha love this post, it’s so funny and too true! Thank you for the mention too. That was not a proud moment with my little girl haha!
Nat.x
My son is 8 and he STILL he tends to try to strip naked at every given opportunity!
You barely touched on mealtimes. I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to completely disassemble my food into component parts and then only eat half of them, while flicking something off my fingers across the room 😀
It’s like dealing with a drunk dwarf! You don’t know what they will do next! S’s favourite at the moment is to tell strangers whether that have a Vagina or a penis. Not sure I’m so happy he’s learnt about body parts now!
Also. His daddy is in the military. Any time he sees someone in uniform he shouts ‘DADDY’ as loud as he can.
Drunk dwarf. Haha. That’s quite sweet re his daddy – at least yours has a reason. My toddler calls most men grandad or daddy. Hahaha
Using the table on their high chair more as a launch-pad than a lunch-pad: check a thousand times over. I was told that it was something they had to do instinctively as their brains try and work out distances and throwing and what have you. But why does it have to be the food I spent ages making?
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