‘Just’ The One

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Kate Everall

(3) Comments
  1. I’ve actually avoided that question about another more than I expected, but I think that’s because we made the decision to stop at one very early on and I spoke about it very openly on the blog and across social media.

    But even being so open about it, we do still occasionally get it, and usually from total strangers! And the worst part is when people don’t respect that it’s your choice and might not be an easy one. For instance, a random stranger we stopped to talk to once as O wanted to stroke their dog asked if he was our only child and when I said yes and we couldn’t have any more this woman proceeded to say, “oh, but I bet he would love a sibling, wouldn’t you?” Yes, she actually then directed that question at my son… my son, who, is absolutely desperate for a sibling and tells us regularly he wishes we could have another and gets so upset when I explain why we can’t no matter how much I also wish we could have another. That was one time when I really got mad, because I don’t understand the thought process that makes people think it’s okay to ignore what you’ve said and push their own agenda on you.

    But mostly, as I say, we have avoided it thankfully. In fact most of my friends and family know exactly how much it would cost us to have another and that we simply can’t. We’ve talked about fostering for years, even before we knew if I could have kids myself, and I still hold out hope we can share the love we all have in that way in the future. But for now we’re too sick to even think about it, so we’re cherishing the very special bond we have as a family of 3 🙂

  2. There’s nothing selfish about wanting to provide a certain quality of life for T, or for the two of you! It’s perfectly understandable. I always assumed we’d have more than one but now we have one I realise just how full on one is and can see the appeal of sticking with one in order to give them the time, attention and resources that would have to be shared if we have another. I still think we’ll have another but I definitely feel more conflicted than I ever expected. And as you say, it’s no ones business but your own, and people don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes when they flippantly ask do they!

  3. Sarah - 2 Wives 2 Mums says:

    Wonderful post. We are in the same position in that we both work full time, and our time is precious. O is so wonderful and so eager to take in the world around him that I would feel guilty for taking time and attention away from him right now. Ideally we would like another child (we have a frozen embryo) but if it didn’t happen we would be ok with that too. It is interesting how blunt people can be with questions – I constantly get asked if I will carry the next one, or if we would use my eggs to which I have to awkwardly reply to both that I am incapable of doing so. The notion that every woman should be pregnant as many times as possible seems to be well ingrained!

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