Donor v2.0

Last year we were very open about our donor, albeit schtum about their identity, but that’s because we felt (and we still do) that they are an important part of the process who deserve to be included in our writings. But this time we’ve thought long and hard and decided that we want to try something new.

There’s nothing to suggest that being open about the third person in our TTC party had a detrimental effect, but like announcing something prematurely, you’re open to the elements and it hurts twice as much if it all goes wrong.

Certainly, announcing that we had a donor and that we were actively trying felt amazing – we were one step closer to creating a family, but at the same time, now looking back, it made us vulnerable and that we would have to announce our pain if we were ever to keep this blog up-to-date.

See, we wanted this blog to be an open blog in an effort to assist others in the process and to reassure others that they’re not alone, however having to announce that we were back to square one was a huge blow and we don’t want to do it again, or certainly not to so openly.

Sure, we’re still going to keep updating so that we’re not hypocritical and can accurately look back at what we’ve been through, it would be wrong of us to keep such an integral part hidden but perhaps this time we won’t go into great detail. If this sounds like we’re being hypocrites, fine, maybe we are but when we started writing we didn’t realise how open we would become and how many people we would meet along the way, which meant that every announcement felt like a news flash to the world, making every negative announcement painful.

Without going too mushy, this change, to put it so purely, gives us an opportunity to announce one day that S and I are expecting to our family and friends without them knowing the build up before – making it as ‘normal’ and surprising as possible. By ‘normal’, I mean un-‘sciencey’ (something that requires science, mathematics and super powers). Straight couples wouldn’t ‘announce’ that they’re trying to their families, right? There would never be that scenario at a family gathering, unless you have one of those very forward aunts, where you would be asked “So when are you having children?” It would be weird.

Because of the ‘sciencey’ (it’s not a word, I know) part of our process, as AI is very sciencey, we announced our intentions with my mums one day as we were super excited and wanted to share, but in turn this meant we were open to questions, taking the magic and surprise away if we were to announce, not that they would harass us but, understandably, they would ask us how everything was going in a gesture of support in case we needed to vent and, I guess, they were excited too but this in turn took the privacy away – something that we probably needed as much as possible.

So let’s just say we’ve learnt and want to keep this one close to our hearts. This one is special.

K