So here we are, raring to start anew. As you would have read in our last post, S and I are happier in our new home and we are both eating healthy in an effort to create a better environment for the future.
Tomorrow will be our first insemination after our little break, and I cannot wait!
Now, before you tell me to hold my horses and not put my hopes up – I know. I am fully expecting a BFN not just because that’s that way our cookie crumbles, but because we have had a gap and it’s going to take us (and my body) some time to get back into the swing of things.
As usual, D has been great and it seems that he is just as excited to start again. He’s also keen for me to become pregnant so he can open the bottle of scrumpy that we got him from Cornwall.
I don’t really know what to expect or what I want to happen. Obviously, I want the very best result but I also don’t want the weight loss to be shown as the factor that stopped me becoming pregnant as it would have meant that we may have become pregnant a lot sooner (I’m clearly thinking waaaay too much, as usual). Nevertheless, I want this to work so that my efforts haven’t been in vain. I am remaining positive with a slight dash of unease.
It is taking me some time to get back to the process of noting my CM and making sure I’m not drinking 2 hours before a OPK test, etc. etc. but I’m getting there slowly. I guess I’m worried that it will become a chore and that it will ruin us. I don’t want every conversation we have about TTC.. I want to look back one day and triumph in what we’ve created with our hard work, not look back and think, “What a nightmare that was!”
Ideally, I want to try to make the process as close to “normal” as possible, but the chance of that happening is slim so we’ll have to make do with what we have – just us.