We Are The Mums Who…

This week, we were kindly nominated by Lauren to join in on a feature called “I am the mum who…” which depicts what kind of mums we are. Seeing as there are two of us, we both wanted to get involved!

We don’t usually do these sorts of things, but this one stuck out as it gave us the opportunity to do something different and think outside the box.

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Looking after the “Us”. 

Me and S have been just “us” for a long time. We’ve always had the freedom to accept invites to parties and stay out late. We wouldn’t have an issue going out for dinner or having a lay in at weekends.

On top of this we were often able to be quite romantic and spontaneous.

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So when T arrived, everything we once had went out the window. Of course we didn’t mind, it’s what we always wanted, but we had to make sure that it wasn’t lost forever and that we as a couple weren’t lost.

On top of this, it’s very easy, especially when you’re tired, to turn on each other and snap, and there have been occasions where S and I have done this. So to make sure we weren’t on a downward path, adaptations have already been made to make sure we’re still Sharon and Kate…

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Work as a team. We’ve always done this, but it’s more important now that T is around. During the night feeds, for example, I’ve recently agreed to S going to get T from his Moses basket and changing him whilst I slowly wake up and get myself ready. By the time S has finished and brought him back in, I’m awake and ready. S then goes back to sleep whilst I feed him. Other things include S doing dinners at weekends, and walking the dog before work. This team work makes everyone feel involved and it means we’re sharing the workload.

Avoid talking about T (all the time).  We love T dearly, but dinner times, especially now, are dedicated to non-baby stuff and more “us” stuff.

Going to bed early. We don’t want to wipe our evenings out, but going to bed early sometimes gives us a chance to just snuggle and chat. We still sometimes have evenings on the sofa catching up on shows we’ve missed, but going to bed instead some evenings mean we get time to ourselves without the distraction of technology.

Seeing the romance in things. It may just be being given an extra sausage at breakfast (ooo err), or saving your last rolo, but little romantic gestures like this make all the difference.

Over time, and once I have a regular expressing pattern, we hope to leave T with his nan and go on a proper “date” with each other. This may, at first, start off as just having an afternoon to ourselves at home or a cinema date, but we aim to one day have a whole evening (and night) to ourselves!

Don’t get me wrong, I already feel guilty about planning on handing T over or talking about how we want to be alone, but I really value the alone time with my wife as well. We’ve worked hard to make us what we are so I certainly don’t want to lose it.

K

Living With a Nightmare – An Open Letter to my Wife. 

Sharon,

Over the past two weeks I have been living with a nightmare. It’s not you, it’s not T, it’s me.

I’ve been a royal pain in the backside – not just for you, but for me. I’ve been stressing myself out over the smallest of things; such as getting the washing done and making the most of our time, and it’s probably stressing you out. I’m sorry.

This time is meant to be a time where we’re relishing in the fact we have a son – and we are relishing, a lot, but I’m still also expecting to carry on as we were before and as expected, it’s not happening quite as planned.

Long before T even came along I’ve always struggled with the thought of being looked after – my mum raised me to be extremely independent. I’m happy to work as a team when it comes to big tasks like DIY and gardening, I just hate not being able to do simple tasks or anything at all for that matter. So when T arrived and I was pretty much useless to anyone because he required almost constant feeding, it was up to you to do the majority of the cooking, washing, and general organisation of our day – and I hated it as I had no control whatsoever. I also couldn’t offer anything back. Before, I would cook and you would wash up, for example. Simple. Now you’re doing everything and I feel rubbish about it. I’m not the super wife I expected to be. I expected to be able to feed, cook a meal, eat it, and then maybe feed again – who was I kidding?

Please don’t take this as me sounding ungrateful, I appreciate everything you do, I’m just finding it very difficult to cope with being off my game. This week I’ve cooked half a Thai curry, been half dressed most of the time, got piles of washing prepared but never been able to put them in the machine. There’s a basket of clothes that still requires putting away, and washing up that’s still soaking but not completely washed – all because someone needs a feed. I’m not angry with him, honest – I just didn’t want our time remembered by me just being a milk maid and you being the maid. I hope you understand. I know it’ll get better eventually or I’ll get used to it – this is what every new patent goes through. Hell, we’re not even a month in yet! I guess I just expected a lot more from myself.

I know I have no choice, he needs feeding – so I have to stop. You tell me every day that I’m being silly, that we are a team, and that you couldn’t care less about who does what around the house, and I believe you, honest – I just don’t want to accept it. I want to be able to do so much more. Our friends have accepted it, they automatically knew to contact you instead of me as they knew I would be occupied with T. The only person who didn’t know this or want to accept it was me. I’m sorry. 

Every time I have a mini meltdown I promise myself to chill out, but I need to start promising you. Maybe it’ll actually take effect. So…

I promise to just let you look after me (without complaints).

I promise to not let the little things bother me anymore. There are bigger things to worry about – about 9Ibs worth.

I also promise to accept that whatever I can do/provide would have been my very best (even if I have only accomplished cooking beans on toast).

I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve done over the past two weeks – You’ve helped me and been there in more ways than I can tell you and for that I will be forever in your debt.

You are a wonderful mumma and an amazing wife – I’m so very lucky to have both of you in my life.

I love you.

My Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day always seems like a lovely idea. It certainly seemed like a good idea when I was young to use it as an excuse to declare my love to the cutie is class 6B, but he fancied the blonde that seemed to have started puberty a lot earlier in class 6A, the bitch. However, as I got older, it became a day that I didn’t care to be a part of. The reasoning isn’t because I was alone (although that didn’t help) or that I was bitter about the boy in 6B, it was because the day reminded me of everything that was wrong with romance.

To start, you are reminded at least 1 month before that February is the month of love and (in your best dalek voice) you must do something. Furthermore, anything with the slightest romantic connotation is triple in price in the month of February. Lastly, and most importantly, my main complaint about the essence of Valentine’s Day is this;

WHY ARE YOU USING VALENTINE’S DAY AS A REASON TO DO SOMETHING ROMANTIC?

The thought of Valentine’s Day should not be prompting you do something romantic or thoughtful for your partner; you should do something at any time of the year, better yet, do it when they least expect it. Surely nothing romantic can be seen from a mass produced sentiment written by someone else? Sure, if you’re single, use it as an excuse to tell someone how you feel, but surely something out of the blue would show much more meaning to it than doing it on a day where the likes of Hallmark are prompting you to do so?

I admit, when S and I were young in our relationship we did try to celebrate Valentine’s Day as we had both been single for a while and it felt like the right thing to do when you were so crazy in love but, for me, it soon turned into a competition without realising it. If I got S a rose, S would get me a bouquet. If S would buy me a teddy, I would buy her a bear (you get the jist). We didn’t complete on purpose but with any gift, I would think, “Shit, I should have got that” as I was so desperate to show S how much she meant to me, but then it dawned on me that we didn’t need gifts to see this nor did we need a particular day to show this; so we scrapped it – making the day over the next few years A LOT less stressful and, quite frankly, laughable.

I can’t afford much these days, but when I can I always bring flowers home or buy something nice; it may be in the form of a sweet treat but it doesn’t get old, and the look on her face when I’ve surprised her, especially on a bad day, is something no words can describe. I tell S I love her every day without a need to, I just want to.

Seriously though, if your only day of romance is Valentine’s Day, then you are doing something wrong. Just because you are with someone shouldn’t mean romance can now be put to rest. If you’re a parent, you’re probably screaming at me right now for even suggesting the thought of finding time for romance on top of parenting – I get it but I don’t care.

ROMANCE COSTS NOTHING IN TIME AND MONEY.

Think outside the velvet lined chocolate box and do something nice any day of the year. Whether it’s spelling out “I love you” in alphabet spaghetti or leaving a freshly cut flower from the neighbours garden on their pillow, do it!

So with this, I leave you with one of my favourite posts from a blog that I have recently started following, I highly recommend giving the guy a read.

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(Image: Jarrid Wilson)

K

1st Anniversary….and more

I sit here writing this post, looking back at how much our lives have changed in the last few years.

A year ago, I had the amazing privilege of marrying K (after only 5 months of planning)

We had always planned to get married and had been engaged for 3 years, but it really wasn’t until K and I decided now was the right time to start a family, that we put any real effort into it.

K had always wanted a BIG, no expense spared wedding.  Sadly it was not to be quite as she had pictured.  Don’t get me wrong, after everything, it still was, and everyone had a great time.

Wedding Collage

Since our special day, our lives have been on the verge of insane.  The start of the TTC process commenced shortly after the wedding.  We had our ups and downs with the original donor read post, and had to start our search again.  We found our new donor, but that hasn’t been plain sailing either.

We’ve also had a litter of kittens born to us (well Squidge did), had an amazing 1st holiday with our nephew M in Cornwall, some family bereavement, and finally we’ve had to move house, increasing our expenses.

Kittens  Holiday

THE ANNIVERSARY

K and I vowed not to go overboard for each other as we are trying to save. We agreed only on taking each other out for a meal.

K’s plan was for breakfast – we love the occasional Frankie & Benny breakfast, so she planned and booked that.  I on the other hand wanted to take her out to our favourite Italian restaurant.   We also decided to start a tradition where by we order a smaller version of our wedding cake each year.

So that was it. The anniversary sorted.  No cards, no flowers, no chocolates – Nothing other than a nice chilled out day where our diet could go out the window – Perfect.

Sadly neither of us are this restrained, both bought cards (we have a thing, or at least K does, where she writes overly sentimental verses in the card in an effort to make me cry, and to see how quickly she can make the waterworks happen), and we both splashed out on flowers, and now our house smells and looks like you are walking into a funeral parlour.

 The Breakfast – In the words of Janice –  OH MY GAWD!!

Breakfast was amazing, sitting in an American style diner, on a cold autumn morning, whilst you can hear the waves crashing against the Marina walls, with 60’s tunes playing from the jukebox.

The waiter handed us the menu.  No word of a lie, it took the best part of 20 minutes to narrow the choices down.  Finally we chose what was to be the breakfast to beat all other breakfasts EVER, and whilst waiting for the mammoth meals to come out we reminisced over our lives together.

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After breakfast had finished and we could finally walk out of the restaurant, we decided to take a little walk around the Marina before heading home.

Now still being on a diet (although we were planning for it to go out of the window), we decided not to eat lunch to save room for dinner.  This failed miserably as we could hear it calling us from the kitchen, we decided to have a fat slice of CAKE.

Cake : Day

The rest of the day ended up with us messing around playing on the Xbox on Guitar Hero World Tour (mainly because Kate finds it hilarious making me play the drums on ridiculously hard songs).

Finally it was time to get ready for dinner, and head on out.  We arrived at the amazing restaurant, which luckily for us is only a 10 minute walk from our house.

A tiny restaurant which has only 6 -10 tables and can only fit a maximum of around 20 people in at anyone time. It has an amazing atmosphere, lovely waiting staff, and at the same time is very reasonably priced. (if you live in or around the area of Newhaven, East Sussex, you have to try it www.padelladoro.co.uk )

The menu may be basic, but the quality of the food is out of this world.

 Dinner

After completing our meal, we left the restaurant, leisurely strolled home, snuggled up on the sofa with a blanket and the dog, and I fell asleep.   A perfect end to a perfect day.

I’m so lucky that I met this amazing woman.  My life has truly never been the same since we first met back all those years ago.  She is my best friend & my soulmate, and I never want to go a day without knowing she’ll always be by my side.

Sx

Looking forward.

Continuing my trend of always being fashionably late I thought I would take this opportunity now to write about what occurred over the past 12 months as well as what we have to look forward to.

Most professional bloggers would have done this on the 31st or even the 1st. But as usual, I leave it a while – not through wanting to make sure I write the perfect post, but simply because I’m bloody lazy.

Looking back 358 days ago, a few things had happened… In March, my baby sister announced she was pregnant which was wonderful news. It was the first baby of the family.

In April, S turned 30 (sorry, hun) and in May, I turned 25 (Ha! Sorry, hun).

October came and S married the woman of her dreams (or nightmares) and I married my soulmate. We officially became grown-ups.

During November, we lost our first donor but on the same note, our nephew came into the world which made our sadness taste so much sweeter – he really has bought so much light into our lives.

Finally, in December, we found an even better donor – which put a nice end, like a shiny bow on a neatly wrapped present, to 2012.

Although the physical list is very small, emotionally all the above made 2012 an absolutely whirlwind – I can still remember the Christmas and New Year of 2011!

In 2013 we look forward to seeing M grow and drive his Mum and Dad absolutely crazy as well as make his aunties penniless. We also plan to have our very own sprog (we’re still testing the waters to what their nickname will be).

At this very moment, I am organizing the final details of it all and will look forward to detailing it all in one large post, but for now things are simply looking brighter than ever.

In light of this, I also look forward to writing more (and perhaps seeing more writing from S). I have always enjoyed writing and thinking but I have never had a place to put my thoughts, nor have I had the motivation to do it. Already, since writing for these few months, I have felt a weight lifted when I write as well as a physical enjoyment. I don’t know whether this is down to getting things off my chest or whether it is simply down to sharing in the hope that others are having the same issues (and joys) – either way I have found comfort in writing a blog. If you take the time to read them – thank you.

In addition to this we also have a nice day out to look forward to at The Baby Show (www.thebabyshow.co.uk) in February which I am bound to write about, as well as a holiday in May to Cornwall with my sister, her boyfriend and M (by then he will be 6 months old – how exciting).

Although I would like the list of things to look forward to more extensive, I guess the plan to have a baby is a pretty big item on it’s own. Nevertheless, 2013 certainly looks like it’s going to be our year for a change.

K