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![New Year, Same Me. ✌️
The New Year always has strong connotations with change or creating something new. "New Me..." and "New You..." are popular buzzwords the moment the clocks strike twelve, or you're encouraged to "better" yourself or change something. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of development and growth, and change when it's truly needed, but most of the time society's definition of this is not the change, development or growth anyone truly wants or needs.
Society is not fit for purpose, and it's certainly not built for marginalised communities. Capitalism and society dictate that as a mother, I'm not encouraged to focus on my career, my own pleasure or my mental health. As a Queer person I'm (still!) often not welcome in mainstream spaces unless I look or act a certain way. And as someone who is currently exploring their own neurodiversity I near to always get the sensation that I'm "too much" or not doing "enough".
But, towards the tail end of last year, and just like a lot of people, I was exhausted. So exhausted that I just stopped. Stopped trying to "fit" and blend in, or try to be something I'm really not, and it felt good. I realised that, actually, I get to enjoy life a bit more if I stopped paying attention to bogus expectations and started saying "no" a lot more. That if I just focused on what *I* want to do without the worry of what people thought, that a huge stress is lifted. Last year, I was so occupied with looking forward and doing all the things, just like society expects of us, that I forgot to look back and see how far I'd come already.
When was the last time you did that?
I mean, I still have A LOT of work to do (that imposter syndrome is strong!) but it's like a huge weight has been lifted recently and I just want to get it out there. Almost like a promise (or a receipt!) to myself.
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