The Week That Was Ours

I was on approximately CD27 (13DPO) when I went on holiday – I say approximately, as our app and I are in disagreements as to when I ovulated. I believe I ovulated on CD14 (06/07) due to the positive OPK’s and BBT dip, but the app believes I ovulated on CD16 (08/07). At first the app didn’t believe I ovulated at all due to the fact that my BBT was all over the place during the cycle, however once I edited a few items I got my cover line.
Nevertheless, I ovulated which was a good start. However, we were only able to get the one shot in due to timings but either way, I know it was before ovulation was due. Phew!

The first week of the TWW was easy as I was super busy at work as well as getting over excited for our holiday. The second week was also remarkably easy as I was on holiday! I was stuffing my face as well as entertaining a very active 7 year old – I was keeping myself happily occupied, however I was very aware of the up and coming visit from AF which was bit of a downer, especially on holiday; which is a time I like to go swimming. Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to let myself think about it for a change.
S was also really well behaved, although she did slip in the occasional “how are you feeling” which was answered with a generic “fine”. I didn’t want to think about anything TTC related.

We took our BBT thermometer with us, however we were unable to log anything on our app due to having no wifi – so we couldn’t see what my chart looked like, which was a blessing in disguise as one of the worse things during the TWW is seeing AF arrive in the form of a BBT dip before hand.

So anyway, the due date for AF came and went. I was due around 14DPO (20/07) and 16DPO (22/07) but those dates came and went. No sign of AF! Typical. I was at my most relaxed, having a great time, and AF is late! As and when it does come, it’s going to be a bad one, I thought. I wanted to go swimming and wear my white linen trousers due to the scorching heat, but there was no chance of that happening. I wasn’t taking it too seriously, though, as I’ve been late before.

But it didn’t come… however this did:-

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So as I write this, I’m currently, starting my 6th week of pregnancy (I still can’t believe it). I’ve booked my midwife appointment for 08/08 which will soon be the end of my 7th week. I then have to go back a week later on the 15/08 but I’m not sure what for – but right now, I don’t care.

I’m super nervous, as well as excited, but more nervous than anything. I want to scream the news from the rooftops – but I can’t.

The next 12 weeks cannot come sooner.

K

The Week That Just Wasn’t Ours.

So Aunt Flo has come and gone following our last try. As expected, after a delayed ovulation, AF came right on time two weeks after actual ovulation. I’m always intrigued by how the body just ‘knows’ what to do at the right time. I wish it could tell us when it’s good and ready to get pregnant, but obviously the ‘too difficult’ light comes on for that one.

Although it was bit of a shocker at the time; seeing as we pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to timings, it shouldn’t really shock us by now seeing as we’re so used to getting BFN’s now… but it did. As BBT monitor, I saw it first, and then K saw it in my face. I had seen the massive temperature drop one morning and knew straight away it hadn’t worked this cycle. I didn’t want to tell her, but I guess after 7 years she can read my face pretty well.
Regardless of how many BFN’s we’ve had now, this one really hit K for six and pretty much ruined her for a few days. So I apologise for not updating, but she couldn’t face breaking yet another BFN.

K felt, and still does feel, like a fool when she writes so positively on here; especially after then having to break the BFNews, but what else can she do when you think that you’ve got everything timed perfectly? As far as K’s concerned, her body is “working”, and all the other signs for good fertility are there smiling right back at us – so there shouldn’t be any issues right? And at the same time, she doesn’t want to be a negative Nancy. Yes, she’s scared of it not working – again – but she certainly doesn’t want to keep thinking it. She wants to remain positive, but it’s so hard to when you expect the same thing all over again.

I’m still not sure when to say ‘enough is enough’, but at the moment I’m not ready, and K’s certainly not ready to give up no matter how much every BFN hurts. She regularly worries whether something is wrong and to be honest, I just don’t know what to think. A lot of people advise us that it does take some time to fall pregnant and it is very much a waiting game, but how long do we wait before becoming concerned?

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So as I write, K is soon to be coming to the end of her first week of the TWW. (Sunday) We got a donation in just before ovulation which was lucky as K ovulated earlier than expected again. Despite having a delayed ovulation last cycle, which meant that everything would have moved backward by about a week, she still managed to ovulate bang on the same time as usual which means she was a few days early if you were to count it from AF which, of course, was delayed because of the delayed ovulation.

Apart from recording her BBT and OPK tests, we’ve decided not to record anything else such as any “symptoms” (not that they really exist at this stage), but at the same time; to find out whether one cycle is different from the other, we try to record any changes so that we can compare other cycles. Last month, for example, we were full of them, K was feeling genuine cramps as well achey boobs towards the end of the TWW (which is something she doesn’t suffer from before AF), but we now feel they were just her mind playing cruel games. So seeing as the ones we recorded mean jack anyway, we’ve decided to just wait for AF this cycle.

Hopefully, this BFN won’t hurt as much this cycle.

Sx

The Week That Wasn’t Even The TWW

If you follow us on Twitter, you would have seen that last week was one of the most confusing and stressful weeks. It started on CD12 (01/06) when we saw the flashing smiley face of hope. Everything was going to plan, we had 3 donations arranged with D for CD12, CD14, and CD16 which, according to our Fertility App and previous cycles, this was the week I was due to ovulate. Perfect!

The donations came and went, but I still hadn’t received a positive OPK. I’d started to receive 2 faint lines around CD15 and CD16 but not the strong lines I usually get every cycle. Every other sign had appeared; EWCM, Ovulation pains, and a slight dip in my BBT, but no positive OPK. By CD16 I had seen 5 smiley faces by now which was odd to say the least, but no solid smiley face and no positive OPK. Now I was starting to shit myself worry. We had everything planned, this shouldn’t go wrong! But alas, it was.

I burst into tears around CD19 when S looked at my BBT that morning and advised me that I hadn’t ovulated. I was shell shocked, disappointed, and angry. Why was this happening to me – I never “not ovulated”. That was my thing, the one thing I could guarantee. I know I have plenty, if not tons, of Oestrogen running through me, it was the Progesterone that was the problem! Clearly the powers that be did not want me having a baby. It wasn’t fair.

CD20 then came round and just for a laugh I did an ovulation test as I was still having ovulation style pains and I had started to get EWCM again. So after waiting for just over a minute, out of no where, they appeared; my two favourite lines (if you could ever have favourite lines). YES! YES! YES! So that evening, we text D and asked whether he was free – he was – so we dashed over to his and had one last donation. With any luck, CD16’s boys may still be alive, especially if I was forming EWCM again – but I’m hoping this donation will do the trick.

The only thing I am anxious about is the fact that we didn’t have any Storks left, so we had to resort to our old ways of a syringe. Although I have no doubt about the boys travelling up there (hell, girls have had babies when the boys promised to “pull out” (yeah, I went to one of those schools)), the Stork is clearly much longer than the syringe and it sits directly on the cervix before shooting the boys up there, where as the syringe isn’t and, annoyingly, we didn’t have any extenders. I made sure gravity played it’s part for a good 30 minutes, so I’m hoping I did everything I could.

The next morning, CD21, two stronger lines appeared, and S notified me that I had had a massive dip in my BBT which is my signature move before ovulation. I had ovulated! YES!!! At least I know I ovulated now, which means my TWW began on CD21.

I still have no idea what the signs around CD14 were about. A few peeps on Twitter advise it could be related to a double release – which put S’s blood pressure through the roof (we haven’t accounted for twins) – but I doubt that was it. Perhaps I was a bit stressed which delayed the egg release but my hormones kept everything else going? Who knows. Either way, I’m happy knowing that I’ve ovulated after a well timed donation.

Let’s hope THIS one works!!!

K

Insem #9

I’m feeling really positive this cycle. I know I shouldn’t but, if I truly am fixed, then there is no reason why it shouldn’t work.

According to the fertility app, and previous cycles, I should ovulate between CD14 (03/06) and CD19 (08/06) so we have arranged for inseminations for CD12 (01/06), CD14 (03/06), and CD16 (05/06),

We’re currently using the advanced ovulation sticks by Clear Blue and, so far, we received two flashing smiley faces on CD12 (01/06) and CD13 (02/06) which means I’m fertile to say the least. Once I receive a solid smiley face, ovulation could happen within 8-24 hours after that, however I expect to actually ovulate around CD16.

On top of this, we’ve decided to finally use our Stork kit that we purchased at the fertility show last year. The reason we haven’t used it in the past is because a) we didn’t want to waste it on cycles we weren’t confident about, or ones that we were only going to get one shot, and b) it looked quite intimidating. Watch this…

Without going into too much detail, it was remarkably easy to use. The male part looks and was a bit fiddly according to D, but once he knew how, it went quite smoothly. Apart from it being a bit stiff – pardon the pun – it didn’t feel science-y at all. I think I expected something quite large and clunky, being the first of it’s kind, but it wasn’t. Even when it came to releasing cap, I expected something to punch me right in the goolies but I hardly felt a thing.

Although we don’t know whether it worked, I would highly recommend getting hold of a Stork kit if you have the chance. As someone who has been on the receiving end of the alternative way to inseminate, using the Stork was less stressful than other attempts. With the stork, you just stick it in (yourself) and go (although I still wanted to let gravity do it’s thing for a few moments – just in case). There was no lying on the bed whilst your partner is armed with a syringe, making sure the goods don’t drip, and that there are no air bubbles in the syringe (You can see how it would soon get stressful). S was happier also, as she had nothing to do with it (she had been worrying that she hadn’t been doing wrong over the past few months – this is nonsense by the way).

So as I said, I’m feeling relatively hopeful. I’m still waiting for the positive OPK. Once I get that, I will know when my TWW can start. If this one doesn’t work, I’m going to want to know why!

K

Back To The Drawing Board

The BFN and visit from Aunt Flo didn’t come as a huge surprise this cycle as it seems I did ovulate earlier than expected. Although I got a positive OPK the day before the insemination date, it seems I caught ovulation at it’s peak level before the drop, as apposed to before the peak – although when I did test the previous days, they were negative. Perhaps my timings have changed? I usually test in the afternoon for a good result, but it seems mornings are better now as that is when I got my positive OPK. Oh well.

Nevertheless, we’re back on it for this cycle. We’ve arranged to see the donor between the 1st June and the 5th June. We’re also hoping to get in more than one deposit so that there is plenty of opportunity for the boys to be ready to do the tango.

K

Insem #8… I think…


So it’s been a while. A lot of you lovelies have messaged/tweeted us asking for updates, assuming our silence was good news but, unfortunately, no. We’ve just been poor at writing at the moment. Nevertheless, apologies for the false hope. It’s really lovely to receive messages from followers, especially as we never assume anyone reads our ramblings – but obviously you do. Thanks. I promise though, I will keep updating as much as we can – if we go silent again, then it may be good news as I’m quite the superstitious person.

Since visiting Kate the Kinesiologist, I finished my meds and got the green flag to start trying again. Annoyingly, I finished my meds just after ovulation which meant I was just shy of possibly getting a try in after completing. Nevertheless, as with every cycle missed, or BFN received, it’s another month’s worth of savings in the bank.

We still have my outlaws staying with us (hopefully not for too long now as they signed the contracts to their new home yesterday) which has meant baby talk between S and I, has been minimal. Surprisingly, this has helped me along the waiting process as the baby blues haven’t been on my mind.

It’s been stressful, I must admit, but I have now come to realise how lucky I am to live on my own (like an adult) with my wife. I must have really taken for granted how lucky I was before, because now all I want is some alone time! Although at the same time, I’m desperate to no longer just be a family of two, but having the outlaws stay is not a suitable replacement!

Timing wise, the outlaws couldn’t have come at a better time, it’s not like we were trying so there hasn’t been an awkwardness about chucking them out of the house every month. If I can gain one good thing from the experience of having them stay, it’s been that they’ve kept me busy throughout the duration of taking my meds.

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Now we can start trying again, we’ve arranged to see the Donor tomorrow evening – which is neat timing as I got the smiley face of hope (I hope) this morning*.

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*Whilst I’m on the subject, I don’t know why or how, but I seemed to be ovulating rather early this month. I usually ovulate between the 12th-15th of every month, however today is clearly not even close. Tomorrow’s donation would have been perfect, bearing in mind the little guys can survive for a few days, but now I feel we’re cutting it close. S still thinks we have a good chance, but I’m not so sure. So with this in mind, I’m not hopeful for tomorrow, but every try is worth it I guess.

Before we try tomorrow, I’m going to be eating a ton of pineapple (http://withgreatexpectation.com/infertility/three-days-post-transfer-plus-whats-the-deal-with-pineapple/ – scroll down to almost the bottom) and iron based foods such as spinach and tender stem broccoli.

Wish us luck!

K