Trying – Take 2
So, AI numero two is happening tomorrow. Finally!!
Waiting for this day to come has felt like a lifetime which I guess was down to missing last month due to the Donor having commitments. I guess when all your focus is on one thing, nothing else matters. We’re both busy with work and general family events such as birthdays and mothers day but at the back of our heads we’re always looking at the calendar counting down the days to the Donor coming (quite literally, Ha!) to ours to donate or marking on our fertility app various signs, etc. It’s becoming a military operation that is taking any element of suprise, if we had any, away.
S and I (mainly, I) have also been a little snippy (well, down right mean) and I think it is down to all of this. I feel terrible taking frustrations out on S but it’s hard not to when you’re frustrated and stressed and the first person in the firing line is your wife, which means tiny things such as not taking the empty bog rolls downstairs for recycling becomes the ultimate crime! S understands why I am being a cow but it doesn’t mean she deserves it.
I see my sister with M and it’s amazing – he is now laughing, and not because he has passed wind, but because he found something we did funny! He pulls himself up to a sitting position when we hold his hands and he is constantly babbling and chatting – it’s incredible and he is only 4 months old! On top of this, we also have friends who are pregnant. So, as you can imagine, it’s all very stressful at the moment – there are babies everywhere but not inside me!
Already we’re getting very use to the whole process and even by try number two or three, the waiting isn’t so exciting anymore as you’re sort of already expecting a negative or you don’t want to out your hopes up because the crash hurts so much. I am excited that we’re this far and we’re grateful that we have a donor, but at the same time we feel like we’re so very very far away.
On a more positive note, I can happily say that my body is almost 99% predictable now when it comes to AF and Ovulation which is relieving. When we first started tracking my cycle I found very quickly that I would always be just off the “normal” prediction of a womans’ body by 2-3 days which, during this process, wasn’t great and just added more stresses to the mix. But for some unknown reason, it’s more “normal” than it’s ever been. I would love to know what contributed to the change as I’d like to keep at it!
I think the hardest part is not knowing when it will happen. I’m newly pregnant after the 4th IUI. Now, saying that, 4 IUIs seems like nothing. BUT in the moment, not knowing if it would take 1, 3, 10 tries or (worse) wouldn’t work, those four tries seemed like an eternity.
This is exactly how I feel. If I knew that ONE day I will be pregnant then I will happily wait but as I can’t it’s torture.
How is everything going with you at the moment?
It’s OK hun. I forgive you for taking your stresses out on me.
I guess it’s what I’m here for. To get you through the hard times.
I love you very much.