So the two week wait (TWW) was over on the 26th January and my period/Aunt Flo (AF) was due on the 25th January according to the fertility app and is due tomorrow according to my period app (I trust my app more to be honest).
Ask me what I’m thinking right now and I will not be able to tell you in plain english. One half of me (which increases by the day) is excited and is hoping that something has worked, another quarter of me is nervous as hell and the other quarter believes that I’m not pregnant at all.
The reason we’re starting to believe I’m not pregnant follows on from taking about half a dozen tests and none of them showing as positive – simple – and we’re fine about it. We were fully expecting the first try to be unsuccessful as we haven’t read many blogs or experiences whereby after first the AI at home the couple have fallen pregnant. So we were fully expecting a negative, but there was always a little glimmer of hope still inside.
That said, with help from friends on Twitter and several forums, there is a suggestion that I don’t have enough HCG (google it – don’t ask me) running through me yet. Apparently the sticks at home read from 10mIU (again, google it) and apparently it takes a while for the HCG hormone to actually show in urine and women within the TWW only have from 5-50mIU at best if pregnant and apparently it can sometimes take longer than two weeks for implantation. So there is hope still.
Now, before anyone starts; I know – it sounds like I’m clutching at straws. I may very well be, but the things that I’ve felt over this TWW have been strange to say the least. I’ve felt random little pains down below and I’ve (not to mention, S) have suffered from major PMT (something that I don’t usually suffer from at all) and if you think that perhaps it’s all within my head; my BBT (Basal Body Temp) has been going nuts. So something is obviously going on inside. Look!*
I have never wanted (and not wanted) to see AF so much – at least if AF visited we could start again and restart the process, but this waiting is worse than knowing that we’re not. It’s awful. If only I could see what my future looked like and see whether we were successful – at least then I wouldn’t be so impatient. I would happily wait if I knew that one day we would have a child, I really would, and at least then I would know that right now is just not our time.
If AF doesn’t visit me this coming week then I will be booking myself into the doctors to have a blood test. If it is still negative then I will want an explanation (as if it’s the doctors fault. Ha!) why AF was late and why my BBT was having a disco on the graph.
*The attached graph is from our FertilityFriend account via www.fertilityfriend.com. I would recommend using the website rather than the app for detailed information regarding your data. It really has been an eye-opener.