How will we cope?
It’s an odd question to be asking now we’ve started on this journey to parenthood, but one that is very valid.
We’ve gone through the “Can we afford to have a child?” stage, which we came to the simple conclusion of no, but can anyone really afford children. Especially as it is estimated that they cost you on average around £18,000 a year.
Today’s question only dawned on me whilst I was on a conference call to one of my suppliers. It came about in a very odd way.
I was being asked general questions about our systems and then all of a sudden the guy asked me what my role at my company was, so I explained which shocked him (its pretty extensive – & it’s just me) he then asked “Do you have children?” To which I answered not yet.
And all of a sudden I realised. How are we going to cope?
I work long hours, K works shifts.
I have to travel with my job to pretty extreme time zones. This has proved hard for K and I as a couple at times, just because we’ve not been able to see each other or talk.
My job isn’t going to become any less stressful, and the travelling is only likely to increase as our company expands.
So, How will we cope?
Actually more of, how will K cope when I’m away for weeks at a time?
How will I cope not being able to help out with the little one when away? (Guilt and I don’t go well together).
How’s my sanity going to be as I miss my family whilst it is still in its infancy?
These and so many more questions, and I guess the answer is that you just find a way. You have to.
At the end of the day, having a child isn’t easy, and it’s not like we aren’t all aware of this when we make these decisions, but by not having a child our lives wouldn’t be fulfilled.
To be honest, I can’t wait to have these things to worry about, because then my life won’t be centred around me. It’ll have so much more meaning and hopefully a reason to ignore the stresses of work at the end of the day, as it’ll give me such a rewarding outcome by focussing on my gorgeous family.
Sx
It is a daunting thought; but honestly, it’s not nearly as bad as people would have you believe! Life does become a big juggling act though…(but in a good way, lol.)
I really liked reading this. Its true its never a right time to have a child and you never know if your relationship can withstand the pressure and extra responsibility. I myself having raised mine. It was never easy. But I finally realized that the best thing a parent can do for their children is to take care of themselves first and foremost so you can have the clarity and ability to be a good parent. Its true they are costly to raise, but I always stayed witin my means, had a budget for everything and well my family survived and we made it. Now I always worked and so did my spouse so we had to work split shifts so that someone was always at home for our kids. We felt like the dynamic duel. We worked it. Even when things didnt always go smoothly we worked thru it somehow. I believe as long as you back each other up and support each other. You can do well as a family. So best of luck to you both.
Thank you so much for your kind comments. We completely get how challenging this is going to be, but at the same time so rewarding.
I can be a bit of a worry wart sometimes, but with the strength provided to me by my loving wife K, I always calm down… eventually anyway.
I don’t think there is a perfect time to have a baby (possibly 3 months before your MA dissertation is due is not it!), the day before I went in to be induced I was struck by this terrible panic that I couldn’t do it- how on earth was I going to cope with having a baby? I can’t even keep a pot plant alive! But after the first few weeks (which just pass in a haze of cuddles, milk and ouchy bits) it just slowly slots into place, and now I have no idea what I did with my time before he came along!
I would deff recommend finding a good support network of other Mums- I see our NCT antenatal group at least once a week and we’re always emailing each other, it’s been a life saver!
Hi there!
Thank you so much for your reply – we always enjoy hearing stories from other mums. You very much like me – I do have a habit of killing plants or burning boiled eggs.
I think we’ve been really lucky with the network we have already found via the blog and Twitter and at times the “network” have really helped us – not to mention really make us laugh. I can’t wait to meet new people along the journey.
I am so happy to hear things worked out well for you… we will no doubt be posting more “ahhhhhhhh” and “HELP!!” posts – so watch this space! ;o)
K