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So I haven’t written for a while, and it’s not because of anything special happening (sadly), it’s because we have literally had a busy couple of weeks. I guess I felt that if something is not about the baby making, which is what this blog is about, then I guess I don’t need to write about it… But then I don’t want to people to think we’ve stopped writing or that something great has happened and that we’re keeping quiet which is what happened last time we didn’t write for a few weeks.

First, my Nan passed away. So I have been helping out my mum with sorting out the property as well as other things.

Second, our landlord has decided that they want to sell the house we’re currently living in. So with this, we have been house hunting. Thankfully, we found somewhere new really quickly and are in the process of packing so that we can get the keys next week and then officially move a week after! Moving is a time where my OCD really comes out to play! I’m probably one of the only people that enjoys packing and unpacking. I hate the moving bit, but thankfully we’ve paid a company to do it for us – we’re grown ups now and have too much crap to move it ourselves.

Lastly, because we are having to suddenly move, we have had to put our baby making on hold. Not only will I be too stressed (which could work in our favor as I won’t be thinking of “it” but we’ve decided it will be a waste of time and effort for the donor) but the move has now taken a chunk out of our baby savings which means that if I were to fall pregnant, there’s no way we could afford to get even the basic items AND pay for the bills that my pay wouldn’t cover.

So, it’s not been the greatest of months. I have been really sad about having to put things on hold as I’m genuinely worried that having a 2-3 cycle gap will restart my body and I’ll have to get my body used to the wriggly things again. It probably won’t, but I’m just over thinking and I don’t want ANYTHING to mess it up. I guess there’s nothing I can do about it, but it’s still irked me. Hopefully, it won’t take us too long to replenish the savings.

On a more positive note, the Donor has been great and he’s taking this 2-3 month gap as a little holiday for himself so he can drink and eat crap which he hasn’t done since he started trying with us (something that he decided to do). Plus, I’ve taken the opportunity to drown my sorrows in a few fruit ciders! I’m still working hard at the gym and I’m eating healthy, but I thought I’d also take an opportunity to eat a few naughty things that I haven’t been able to eat over the past few months… like fresh mayo and hummus!

K

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This week, I have read several posts about “Blogging for LGBT Families”. All of them were really interesting reads, however it was clear that the majority of the writers were those already with child. There weren’t many in the TTC process – which made me sad. I really wanted to be included, because we’re trying at the end of the day and are trying to create an LGBT family, but I guess that didn’t count. Plus, I didn’t know what to write about.

And then it struck me… I AM an LGBT child.

After my dad died when I was ten, my mum was a single mum for a number of years. She raised my sister and I, and did a sterling job at it too. She always put us first and for a number of years it was just us three. When I was fourteen, however, she came out. (Now, we could go on for days about the history of it all, but this isn’t what this post is about – maybe I’ll write about it one day).

So, we accepted the change. Not that it was hard; nothing really changed – her love was still there and we still loved her. She was the same person after all. Over time, she met several people but finally settled down with our now step-mum, A, and they got married ten years ago.

Now, it wasn’t all plain sailing. A had a lot to get used to. A had to get used to teenagers and their mood swings. She also had to get used to being in an LGBT family. She had to get used to being asked questions, whether my sister and I were “theirs”. Likewise, we had to get used to people asking about our situation and whether A was the “Dad”. I was literally the only person in the school with two mums… and not because of divorce like other kids but because my mum was a fucking lesbian! How awesome! Kids at school would sometimes be mean, but that was nothing a swift kick to the shin wouldn’t fix.

Nevertheless, my sister and I knew we were “different” not that we felt that way, but we really couldn’t care less. At first I looked on and wondered whether it would be different if my dad was around and whether I would be different if he was, but I quickly found out I really couldn’t answer that.

If anything, I thrived on being “different”. I enjoyed having a cool story to tell (apart from the death bit, that’s never cool) about having two mums. Even as an adult, people would ask questions, expecting me to have a third eye or a twitch, but I didn’t. I was “normal” and survived having two mums!

At the end of the day, my mum and A raised my sister and I through the teenage years… The years I think are one of the most important periods. You have painful love losses, your body changes and you’re making important decisions about everything from your career to yourself. I really don’t think it would have made a blind bit of difference if it was just my mum with me making those decisions or my mum and A. I would have made them regardless. But nevertheless, A was there, and she made a difference in whatdecision I made and for that I am thankful.

Now, we’re here with S and I. We’re trying to have a baby of our own and I couldn’t be more excited! Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared as hell about the questions my child will ask and how we will explain them, or what questions kids at school will ask and how our child will deal with them. It’s terrifying. I just hope that we raise them well to stand up and be proud and not hate us for putting them in that situation, or think that they’re freaks.

I guess this is the society we live in (at the moment, anyway). Gayby’s are still perceived rare, certainly in the UK.

I just hope one day, LGBT families can walk down the road and not have someone take a double take to “work it out” or even have to take the time to ask “so who’s the mum”, that it is just something that happens and another option in baby making for everyone.

Let’s hope anyway.

K

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S and I are thinking about taking a month off during one cycle to test my BBT and what it looks like when I don’t have invaders in my body as well as to see what my BBT looks like during the time near to AF visiting without invaders.

When we first started trying we did one month of testing my BBT before we started insemination to see what was “normal” but I was quite ill at the time and we’re starting to think that it may have been good to do another batch of BBT tests when I am not so snotty and flu-ridden. We were just so excited to start that we thought “sod it” and just started.

Is this a good idea or shall I leave it so that my body can continue to adjust to the invaders? It’s clear by the BBT’s that my body is being affected by the little buggers so I don’t want my body to be used to it and then have to have it start again because we’ve given it a break for one cycle? What do you think?

This idea is purely for us to be able to read the BBT’s better. At the end of the day if I am, then I am. No amount of BBT reading is going to change that but at least if we can see a significant difference between an invader-free month and an invader-full month then we may not have to have our hopes up for so long. Who knows…

K

P.s. Speaking of being affected by the invaders, I had the shortest visit from AF this cycle that I’ve probably ever had in my life. On top of this, it was a very light visit which, without being too graphic, is not normal for me at all. What the bloody hell (see what I did there) is going on?!

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According to Tramadol Online For Dogs, the “typical” pregnancy signs are as follows:-

  1. Tender breasts.
  2. Different colored areolas (look it up, I had to).
  3. Early bleeding/spotting.
  4. Frequent urination.
  5. Exhaustion.
  6. Nausea.
  7. Sensitivity to odours.
  8. Being bloated.
  9. Late period (AF).
  10. (and obviously) a BFP.

Over the past few months of trying I have faced during the TWW (closer to the end of the TWW though) at least 6 of these “signs” not to mention other ones that are also known to be linked to pregnancy. These are:-

  1. Cramping – like you wouldn’t believe, and I’m not one for cramps.
  2. Food aversions/cravings – remember when I could have eaten a cow one afternoon? How about when I went off coffee?
  3. Spotting.
  4. Vivid dreams – definately and in colour!
  5. Gas – pull my finger.
  6. Headaches.

There are plenty more, simply write a symptom and add “sign of pregnancy?” to your search.

However, with all this in mind, I am still facing BFN’s and even within this cycle, I’m starting to think that this one will be a BFN too. So what the frack is going on with my body? No website or forum is currently able to explain why I am getting nearly all of the above without the BFP. My temperatures give me hope but then they come crashing down in line with an up and coming visit from AF.

I understand that a lot of the above signs are also linked to AF (this includes tender breasts, bleeding and cramping) but I’m pretty sure food cravings/aversions aren’t – is something being created but then not making it?

When I first started trying, I didn’t think it would be so hard. I knew that we probably wouldn’t get it first time, but I thought that perhaps the second or third try (I seem to be a third-time-lucky girl) would be successful. My mum and my sister had no issues falling pregnancy so why not me?

See, you’re regularly lectured from parents and teachers about the risks of having sex with boys and what will happen, blah blah blah, however if I knew it would be THIS hard then I would have slept with a lot more boys! (JOKING – EUGH!) It just infuriates me when these girls (they’re still girls in my eyes) are getting knocked up after one accident… ONE! Which means either she is incredibly fertile or just extremely unlucky (in her eyes, at least).

The signs for ovulation are there and I’m getting the positive OPK’s, we’re inseminating at the right times (although probably not as often as I’d like) and I’m pretty much relaxed about the whole matter and giving my body what it needs. So what’s the problem?

In all seriousness though, should I be worried? Is there something we’re missing? Are there any hints and tips? Is there any particular food we should eat before insemination?

We’ll pretty much take anything you’ve got!

K

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On Wednesday, we’ll be half way through our TWW and at the moment, I couldn’t be more nonchalant about it. I guess it’s because we’re now very used to getting BFN’s.

Even for this cycle I don’t think it’s going to work because we weren’t able to get the donor to visit us for a second try as we planned and we were only able to get him a day or so before the ovulation period (we try to get the donor to visit us twice in one cycle – once before ovulation and once during ovulation. This is so we can cover that varied window knowing that sperm can survive for 72 hours. We know when I ovulate but we can never be exact because the tests show positive over a few days). 

I guess much of my frustration is aimed at the donor currently. My body is ready and raring to go but I’m being held back. We’ve been trying since the beginning of the year and in that time I can STILL count the attempts on my hand. I appreciate the failed attempts aren’t his fault – he’s given the goods and it’s up to me, it was always going to take some time but when we have gaps where I don’t receive anything because he has work or plans, surely this can’t be any good for the baby-making process?? Surely we need consistency?

As mentioned Tramadol For Dogs Online, we fully understand that he has his own life and plans but when we found a donor at Tramadol Online India we thought that by signing up to Pride Angel, you’re sort of committing to getting a couple pregnant and being there on quite short notice (not that we give short notice, we can give a months notice). I don’t know, perhaps I’m being selfish, but at the moment I don’t want anything else but a baby and I don’t know whether he fully understands this, especially when he makes a habit of suggesting another day to the day we’ve said (this month, he suggested 2 days after the day we suggested! I’m not being funny, we don’t pick these days out of a hat!!).

Every cycle he can’t make the dates we give him is another month gone. Another month I’m given the V’s from AF who seems to have this little voice telling me “HA HA, YOU’RE NOT PREGNANT!”. It’s really getting me down.

On top of this, there seems to be babies everywhere. One of S’s work friends have just announced that they’re pregnant and someone at my work has just announced too. I couldn’t be more happy for them but at the same time I’m seething with jealously. It really isn’t fair.

So, yeah. I’m not feeling great at the moment. I’ve even stopped visiting Twitter (not on purpose, I just don’t have the urge to visit) because there’s just too much baby stuff. It used to get me hyped up, happy and excited but now it just gets me down. I’m not giving up though, we’ll keep trying but at the moment it just seems hopeless when we have a dopey donor who really doesn’t seem to get the process.

K.