Clubs

Within the TTC blogging world, I have found that there are roughly 3 “clubs”. The “Trying” club, the “Pregnant” club, and the “Mummy” club. During the TTC journey, we all belong in one of them but not all of them, sadly. Of course you can TTC AND be a mummy, I mean in a sense that once you’ve moved into a new group by falling pregnant, for example, you seem to be moved down the hall from the TTC room and into the next waiting room… or at least that how it feels to me. I’ll expand on the Mummy Club in another post I think – that’s a whole different box.

Over the past few months, I’ve read some really difficult posts where some ladies have been downright rude about women who have fallen pregnant… “I can’t believe she’s Pregnant”, “They’ve only been trying a year”, “I’m unfollowing anyone who falls pregnant before me” are just a few of the posts I’ve read – and it’s really depressing. I didn’t think that this dark underworld where “support” only exists as long as it’s you first really existed, or at least I hope it didn’t. How can you possibly measure when it’s acceptable to fall pregnant. You don’t grab a ticket and wait for your turn – it’ll happen if and when it happens.

Likewise, there have also been a couple of other blogs where ladies feel genuine heartbreak, and the pain now outweighs the joy for others, and they simply cannot bring themselves to follow these blogs anymore. I also believe it genuinely hurts them that they feel like this, however, I’m completely on the fence with this.

I understand wholeheartedly the heartache that comes with a BFP announcement. I really do. You have been spilling your heart out for months, years, decades, about TTC with fellow TTC’ers and suddenly someone reaches their goal. It’s even more heartbreaking when the length or attempts in trying is minimal in comparison to yours, or like-the-time-recently-when-a-person-I-know-fell-pregnant-after-not-trying-at-all-and-is-certainly-not-in-the-best-position-to-fall-pregnant-and-didn’t-really-want-kids-anyway (and breath…). It really hurts. You want to start a family and nothing is holding you back apart from something inside you literally cannot control.

But for those instances where ladies who have been on TTC slope do fall Pregnant, I really cannot bring myself to unfollow them. It’s not fair. We ladies are in this together and if we can’t support each other and at least be happy for them in the first instance and an unfollowing them is the first thing you do, then that’s really sad. Sure, I’m not expecting everyone to throw a party when a BFP is announced; but to unfollow someone, almost punishing them, isn’t fair also. Personally, a BFP gives me hope. It shows me that even the toughest of journey’s make it in the end. I can’t be happier for those couples.

To be honest, I don’t monitor my follows. I write like it’s a journal and if people want to read, then great. If not, fine – so I probably wouldn’t notice any unfollows. However, I would notice if someone I once communicated regularly with suddenly disappeared – that would hurt, especially if I then found out they unfollower me. I would feel kicked out of a club – I would feel sad that I’d lost a friend for doing nothing wrong.

I wouldn’t, however, feel guilty – which is another side to this TTC business. Women are feeling guilty about announcing they’re Pregnant! LADIES! You have done nothing wrong. Don’t feel guilty. It’s very kind that you feel for those that haven’t got there yet, but it’s nothing to do with you. You haven’t travelled this long and winding road just to feel awful about it. So, stop!

If and when I get to the stage when I can announce a BFP, I will totally expect a couple of unfollows because perhaps my blog doesn’t match a reader’s interest criteria anymore but I would not expect an unfollow simply because I’m Pregnant.

From my point of view, I probably won’t be as active on other TTC blogs – I’m not going to pipe up on blogs and be all “well… when we were trying” – that’s totally wrong, inconsiderate and the bitches that do that can go away, but I will continue to support and help where possible (and generally give advice when advice has been asked for).

This may cause a few arguments, it is a sensitive subject after all, but I’m afraid I’m on the fence about a complete unfollow of someone’s who has been in the same boat and then falls pregnant. It’s like kicking them out of a club they still rightly belong to. If you don’t want to read what they have to say, don’t read it. Don’t unfollow them straight away (which they will later see) making them feel awful for something that is probably going to be one of the happiest times of their lives.

0 thoughts on “Clubs

  1. DeCaf says:

    As someone who is TTC currently, I may be is but I love advice. Especially from people who have been successful. I sometimes feel that I don’t have much to say to those in the mothers club. I haven’t yet arrived there so I can only speculate on some things.

  2. Araneth says:

    It was really tempting for me to unfollow some of my blogs when those women became pregnant after I had my miscarriage. I couldn’t do it though. I knew their stories, their heartaches, and I am truly happy for them. That is not to say that I was not jealous of women that I knew in real life, and knew that some of them had no business having a child at this point, but the women on my blogs had been in more of a struggle than I had been. I don’t know if that had something to do with it? Like I had the mindset, “well they deserve it because they went through worse than I did.” And it is very well likely that that is the case. Either way, even though it makes me sad sometimes, I haven’t unfollowed anyone. Sometimes, I just scan quickly through their blogs lol

    • lesbemums says:

      You’ve hit the nail on the head!

      I am definately jealous of those women that had it easy and simply “fell” pregnant. It wasn’t fair. But for those that have had identical or even harder journeys than us, I want to continue reading about their journey and how happy they are. It makes my waiting worth it because I know what’s coming.

  3. lauracharlie1988 says:

    Completely agree with your points here. I don’t like people who ram “advice” down your throat, but I don’t mind those who give advice when asked. I think TTC is so filled with bizarre emotions and things we have never dealt with before. Who’d have thought we would feel jealousy because an egg met a sperm inside someone else’s body?
    It’s s roller coaster alright…

    • lesbemums says:

      Definitely! You literally can’t control a thing! I didn’t want this post to come across as harsh – I completely understand the emotion and why women may unfollow, etc, when a BFP is announced, however I perhaps don’t necessarily agree with an unfollow of ladies who have had difficulties falling pregnant. I am, however, rather upset when women who fall pregnant, fall pregnant straight away and then go on the give advice about fertility and what you have to do. They will get an unfollow.

      • lauracharlie1988 says:

        Yup. I feel the same. I’m happy for my fellow ladies who fall pregnant on this journey. Yes, it stings a little, but it also gives me hope that one day we will get our forever baby.

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